by Ashley Hutchings of @mom_uptown
1. It Gets Easier
Yes, of course, there are ebbs and flows and it all gets harder at points, but those early days end. The first month is the hardest because everything is so painful, and your life has just changed so drastically, and breastfeeding is a lot, and sleep deprivation is torture, but you will find your groove. Your baby will sleep for longer stretches and you will piece yourself back together, or rather, get acquainted with the new you. I remember thinking,“Welp, I’m just not good at this,” or, “I have a hard baby.” Nope, I was good at it and I didn’t have a hard baby. I just had a newborn. And it’s really hard to prepare for one. It would be like getting an owner’s manual on how to ride a whale. But, you’ll get a handle on it when you’re in the thick of it. And then the next time around will be easier because you know what to expect, you know the motions, and you know the hardest days will end!
2. Pop it On
This bit of gold actually came from my NCT instructor (the UK’s version of prenatal classes that are very accessible and an incredible way to build a village and bring the community together.) Her name was Frances, and she was a very practical mom who gave birthing prep classes out of her basement to groups of very pregnant women in London. The basement was full of real birds and was also the same location where she birthed her four children in a tub. During our course her husband suddenly died of a stroke. As time goes on, and I have more children, I think of the strength it took to carry on in their home just as a human in general, but also as an instructor. How she was able to return to our lessons so soon after, I will never know, but I will always appreciate that she invited us back. Her advice was invaluable. And that advice included “Pop it on.” It was in the context that if your baby is fussy, just pop it on the boob. This attitude didn’t care about feeding times, where you were, who you could offend, and coddling a child too much. And I popped my babies on everywhere. I never once gave my kids a pacifier. It was all me. Eventually natural and implemented schedules formed, but those early days I held the secret to a soothed babe. I was the secret. Now, this is obviously a tip for those who can breastfeed with ease, which I know is not always the case. But, if you can, this is your license to not be afraid to do it too much. You can do it anywhere, everywhere, all the time.
3. Sleep Train
When that four-month mark hits, I’m sleep-training my kids. I’ve written detailed posts on the topic, and I’m wildly passionate about the subject and science behind it. I had to learn this the hard way. I had a six-month-old who was waking every 40 minutes around the clock, and I had no idea what to do until I was rescued by “The Baby Whisperer.” This mystery person was my gym owner’s solution to my problem, and, honestly, after he handed me her phone number, I was afraid to place the call. He was David Beckham’s personal trainer so I figured he was giving me the number to SuperNanny who would require me to take out a second mortgage to solve my problem. But, nope, this magical sleep trainer offered to solve the biggest problem in my life for the best £200 I’ve ever spent. After my three days of sleep training under her wing, my baby slept and we never had a sleep issue again. I used the same formula for babies two and three and it sure does work!
4. You Do You
This one is so important because you will be faced with SO many outside opinions on every aspect of raising your child. (Like the ones in this post!) You will get opinions on their names, your circumcision choice, your feeding choices, on sleep training, on how much time you spend with them, on how you shelter them from a bloody pandemic (which honestly is something no veteran parents have experience with so I was shocked they would open their mouth on this one), and oh, so much more. You need to tune it out. You will never make everyone happy, so just make sure you’re making yourself and your kids happy. I often look to a friend who lost her son when he was a toddler, and she always talks about how grateful she was that she listened to herself and parented the way she and her son needed and wanted. A “no regrets” life means living for yourself, and not other people. An example: I am rarely away from my kids. I’m happiest with them. People like to comment on what balance looks like and what is deemed healthy or say “you need time for yourself,” but all I know is I didn’t ask them, and I do what feels right for me, and that will never change. You do you!
5. Take the Pictures
Someone once told me “You will only see your child the age they are now.” And gosh is it true, and gosh does it hurt. I can’t feel the weight of them as little newborn lumps on my chest. I don’t remember their smells. And I can’t picture a single expression that I’m not actually remembering instead from a video or photo. Capture them, capture all of them. You will never regret getting family photos done. After three kids, the only thing I really wanted for this last baby was (an Artipoppe carrier) and maternity and newborn photos. Why? Because I was so sad I didn’t have them for the first two. I now knew the longing to see a bump or a baby that was no longer there. I knew how out of reach even my favorite memories were. It took not having the photo shoots prior to realize their importance, and I do not want you to make the same mistake. Get the bump shots, the newborn squish shots, the mom and dad and sibling shots, the cake smash messy shots—all of it! You’ll be so happy you did.
Bio
Ashley Hutchings is a wife, mom, writer and cook who is navigating Connecticut suburbia after a rural upbringing and then city living in London and NYC. Follow her at @mom_uptown for honest motherhood featuring three cute kids or @intownsocial where she helps small businesses make their best impression in this digital world.
